it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
