she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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