hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
pop tarts are not kleenex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
