Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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