lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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