My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
