Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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