Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cut my penus on the lid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
