He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
