i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
