I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
