For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
