he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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