I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
