at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
