This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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