im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
