Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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