Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The adults are the big ones right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
