I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
