woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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