people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
