we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize