It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
