i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
