Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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