i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone shit on the floor
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
