i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
