i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
