Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize