The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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