matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
