Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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