Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
