Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
