Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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