then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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