he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I sprained my soul last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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