where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize