Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Houston, we have a blender
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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