Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A+ Viking dick
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