before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
