New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want nice things and good sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
