they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize