my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
