Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize