Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
