So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
