i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
