I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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