I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
