Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize