Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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