I'm eating all of the evidence.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
