A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
