Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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