all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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