we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
