he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
