I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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