my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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