i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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