Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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