Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
