He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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