While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
