no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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