sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
