If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
