I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
