everyone is single if you try hard enough
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
